Each time I get sick or something happens to my body I feel that its something big. I almost imagine myself as a doctor and diagnose myself.
I just don’t know why. But it happens.
Last day sometime after having lunch I was sitting in office.
I began to feel strange. My heartbeat suddenly increased. My body began sweating. And my eyes turned bright red.
I didn’t know what was happening to me.
So I took an early leave and went to the doctor.
As I waited in the queue to see the doctor I began imagining things.
I almost felt sure there was something wrong with my hear.
Maybe its getting bigger. Maybe its getting weaker. Maybe I wont live much longer.
And finally when I entered the doctor’s cabin, I was almost certain it was something big.
You should have seen my face when he said “its nothing. Just low BP. Due to dehydration in the heat.”
At the same time I felt relieved and gloomy that it was not what I expected!!
Again another incident.
At a friend’s house suddenly at night I felt so uncomfortable, I woke up from sleep. I couldn’t talk. I was sweating felt so much pain in my chest that I thought I would die.
I made my plans.
I would phone my parents sometime later and say “folks I love you so much. You are the best parents in the world”
I couldn’t go and see a doctor because I thought I wont last the trip.
The next day I saw the doctor and just hear what he said “it was just gas trouble!!”
Each time I get a big really hurting headache I feel is a tumor in my brain. There will be excruciating pain, like a needle being poked in my brain. I think of all the health articles that I have been through, I think of brain tumor.
When I get chest pain I feel its heart attack.
When I feel so much pain from a fall, I am sure my limb is broken.
When there is some problem with my eyes I feel I will go blind.
I know that I am just imagining things. And I just don’t know if there are other people like me out there.
But I know that this ‘disease’ wont heal. It will be there all along with me.